As many of you may know, 2022 marks my 20th year in business. About 19 years ago, I had the pleasure to meet a beautiful soul (and client) that for the sake of the story, I will call Rosie. If I could have you read only one newsletter or blog this year – it would be this one. Rosie’s story is one that we can all relate to. Everyone can find truth and inspiration in her story, especially if you are a teacher or caregiver. I hope that sharing her journey helps you navigate the stressful life that is 2022.
I first met Rosie in 2005 when my practice was based in Burlington, MA. She was in her mid-fifties and had been teaching third grade for a number of years. In her words, she had a late start in her career because she struggled with infertility. She was one of the first women in MA to have IVF treatment, which resulted in a beautiful boy named Daniel.
When I met her, Daniel was 24 and living at home but was starting a career with the TSA at Boston Logan Airport. Rosie’s husband, Frank, was a former electrician who stayed home due to an injury sustained on the job many years prior.
I would like to briefly pause the story to say thank you for staying with me up to this point in the story. This is a hard story to write. I loved Rosie deeply and she taught me so much about life – but her story was tragic.
Rosie came to me for a type of persistent facial pain called post-herpetic neuralgia. She was in a lot of pain and her treatment plan required weekly visits once a week for at least 8-10 weeks. In the beginning, Rosie would always say, “I can’t come to acupuncture Nicole, I need to make dinner for my boy Daniel.” Now, remember, Daniel was an adult and was currently training to screen out potential terrorists at Logan. In most people’s eyes, he was capable of making his own dinner every so often. As I convinced Rosie to commit to her regular treatment (which helped her pain immensely) and to dedicate time to her own care, I could see that she was still emotionally torn between coming in for acupuncture after her school day and making sure that dinner was on the table by 5 or 5:30 for Daniel and Frank.
This story is not meant to look down on Daniel or Frank. In fact, I have spent a lot of time with both of these men and they were two of the most caring and self-sufficient people that I have ever met. They would have been fine to make their own meals. The excuses Rosie was giving were not about them, but about Rosie not putting her needs first.
Once her pain subsided after a few months, Rosie came in to see me bi-weekly to keep her pain under control. I saw her once or twice a month for a few years to keep her pain at bay. Then, in the spring of 2008, Rosie started to describe abdominal pain that was intermittent and was not localized on the right side of her abdomen. This meant that the pain was moving around. We discussed that she should see her doctor. Well, on the next visit, once again she had reasons why she couldn’t get the care she needed. Rosie told me that she doesn’t have time to get it checked out because she was going to a few weddings that spring and summer and couldn’t schedule in the appointments.
Summer turned into fall and at this point, I was begging her to get it checked out, but Rosie kept making excuses. By the winter of that year and early spring (now 2009), I told Rosie that I couldn’t treat her until she had this pain checked out and that I was even writing this into her chart (I had paper charts then). When I underlined it and showed it to her, she laughed at me. She didn’t realize how serious I was being. I told her that I was very serious and that I even wanted her to take time off from teaching to heal, but she wanted her 80% retirement.
I had my first child that July of 2009, and I moved my practice to Dedham to be closer to my house.
Frank, Rosie’s husband, called me in August of that year to tell me that Rosie had been diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer. I went to Brigham to see Rosie after she had had surgery to remove the tumor and she was gearing up for radiation. I visited her a couple of times that fall and winter with my baby and asked her to come to my office in Dedham to get treated. She said that she couldn’t leave Frank alone in the house who was struggling with depression. Even in the face of cancer, Rosie put her needs last. And yes, she still was trying to get her 80% retirement from the school system. She needed to put in just two.more.years.
A few years went by and I didn’t hear from her. Then in 2013, Rosie calls me and tells her cancer came back; only this time it was very aggressive and that she needed chemo. She told me she wanted to get acupuncture, and of course, I told her to please, please come and get treated at the start of chemo so that she would not be left with severe neuropathy. As you may have guessed, Rosie had another excuse and came infrequently in the beginning until her neuropathy was so bad, it was hard to walk. And then she came in for treatment – a lot of treatment. But by this time, it was too late. The neuropathy had gotten too bad and she was only having a little relief from the acupuncture. Her cancer never went into remission and she passed away later that year.
I am writing this with tears in my eyes.
This story is not about Rosie and how she should have gotten more acupuncture. This story is about a woman who put everyone else first and it cost her dearly and broke everyone’s heart who knew her. I know that Daniel and Frank would have gladly had her miss dinner once a week, or only have gotten 75% of her pension if it would have given them more time with her and reduced her pain and suffering.
For many years, I thought about Rosie if not every day, at least a few times a week. Now, 9 years later, I think about her at least every month and send up a little prayer. If you have been a cancer client of mine, you know that I am pretty hard on you to come in for treatment and take the vitamins that I suggest. I can be a real PITA. It’s because I couldn’t save Rosie, but maybe, just maybe, I could help you in your cancer journey,
If you are a client of mine you know I often tell you to ask yourself “what’s holding you back”?
What is the real reason that you do not put yourself first and choose the life that you deserve to live? Because for Rosie, it wasn’t about needing to put dinner on the table metaphorically or physically; it was that she didn’t think that she was worth it. Or she was only worth it if the school system gave her her full pension. We all have reasons that we feel we are worthy, but what if we accepted that we were worthy just for being? Just for a living? Would you put yourself first then?
If you are a teacher or a parent or a caregiver, what is stopping you from putting your needs first? I hope that whatever form that takes for you – getting a massage once a month or committing to working out 3 times a week – that you start this now. I hope you find inspiration in Rosie’s story, and remember that you matter. Your well-being comes first. I think if you take this approach, you will see pretty profound changes in your happiness and in the happiness of those who love you.
Warmly,
Nicole
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